They say that we keep 5% of ourselves hidden from all, and the rest is unknown to us. Isn’t it fascinating, the fact that we are unaware of about 5% of our own selves? If that is the case, how can we claim to know our partners completely? What are the things you should know about your partner, or about yourself for that matter? What are the things you should know about your boyfriend/girlfriend that would affect your relationship? What are the things you should know about your partner after the first year of marriage? The answers lie in the wide spectrum of communication. This blog is meant to address all of this and create more understanding between a couple.
17 Things You Should Know About Your Partner
So, here’s the deal. To understand your partner, you need to improve communication in the relationship. And to communicate, we need to ask the right questions. You can only love when you accept, and only accept when you understand. It is as simple as that. You need to pluck the right chord to watch your partner sing their most intimate melody. Jack would argue that his relationship with William has aged like fine wine for the past 10 years. He knows everything there is to know about his partner. But if that was the case, why do divorces and breakups occur in the longest and happiest of the relationships? The fact that we are still exploring ourselves is great because this curiosity is what keeps making us explore our partners too. It’s all about curiosity, isn’t it? For ourselves, for our partners, for life itself. Whether you’re wondering about the things you should know about your partner before dating, or about the deep things you should know about your partner before marriage, read on. We have it covered. In this article, we will guide you to the 17 things you should know about your partner. These will help you understand them, accept them, and love them fully (or make you reconsider your choices).
1. What are they passionate about?
Let us take a page from the rule book of first dates and arranged marriages. We often underestimate the revelatory power of this question. It reveals many of the things you should know about your partner before dating. There is an attractive glow in the eyes of a person when they are talking about something they are passionate about. The way they talk about their hobbies, favorite places, music taste, etc reveals a lot about them. These can even serve as good signs of relationship compatibility.
2. What are their friends and family like?
The way they talk about the people closest to them has a two-fold tell. Firstly, it shows how they treat or think about these people. If the person talks about happy memories or shows gratitude toward them, they surely appreciate their inner circle. Secondly, it shows how they have been treated and would want to be treated. If Maria talks about how her parents have always succumbed to her stubborn demands, she would likely want a partner like that too. This might seem petty, but it is one of the elementary things you should know about your boyfriend/girlfriend. Especially in the early days of dating.
3. How have their past romantic experiences been?
Along the lines of the point we made above, how they talk about their exes should be a red flag or a green flag. Relationship history is not one of the most sought-after deep conversation topics among couples, but they reveal a lot about a person. Do you see them repeating old patterns, or do they portray growth? Do they talk about their previous partners condescendingly, or have they learned their lessons and moved on? It would be a difficult conversation, but then, who said finding and keeping the right partner was a cakewalk?
4. What are their professional and financial goals and patterns?
Everyone wants a partner who is financially secure and has a plan – maybe not the brand new lovebirds, but the couples who are planning a future together. This conversation may be a boring exchange of words, but a very necessary one. Knowing about their goals in the professional field they are in, and about their financial goals in general, can define the direction of both your lives. Factors like spending patterns, and history with debt, savings, and investments will eventually affect the life you both plan together.
5. What are their go-to comfort experiences?
Klaus is a huge fan of tea. His partner, Karen, had moved in just a couple of weeks ago. One night, he comes home, exhausted after a long day at work, to find a pot of chamomile tea on the stove waiting for him. Imagine the comfort and calm such small romantic gestures can make you feel. It is important to know these little doses of comfort that your partner needs. Knowing about their comfort experiences like food, TV shows, places, etc is the perfect way to show them that you care.
6. Where do they stand with their political and religious beliefs?
These are two highly volatile elements, and if not taken into consideration, can sometimes arson a seemingly happy relationship. Religious and political beliefs are some of the most important things you should know about your partner, as these make up the core beliefs of an individual. There is an old saying, “Never talk business, politics, or religion at the dining table”. I think it originated keeping in mind the sensitivity of such topics. Contradictions in beliefs can be acceptable, but clear communication about them can lubricate a lot of friction that generally leads to major fights.
7. What are their personal goals?
When we say personal goals, what we mean is: what kind of a person do they aspire to become? A plan for personal growth showcases the seriousness with which they take themselves. It shows the kind of people they idolize. When a person takes their own existence seriously, they are more likely to take their partner’s goals and aspirations seriously too. What is a perfect ideal love story, if not a partnership toward mutual and personal growth? You’ve found the one if both of you grow in the relationship every day.
8. What is their love language?
We all have different ways of loving and being loved. Sometimes, what we fail to recognize is that our love language could be a foreign language to our partner. Sara is a person who loves to talk, and she found a perfect listener in Charlton. Recently, she noticed that he had grown distant as he was going through a rough patch at work. He hadn’t smiled in days, and something seemed off. One day, she saw him gloomily staring out the window and decided to hug him. After a couple of hesitant seconds, he embraced her tightly and held on for several more minutes. Finally, when they became two different beings again, she could see a calm Charlton smiling with some mush in his eyes. Do I need to say anything more about this being one of the most important things you should know about your partner?
9. How do they process emotions?
We receive information through our senses. These sensations create feelings and those feelings create emotions. Even though it happens in the same order, this process is different for everyone. How your partner receives and processes emotions can be one of the tools that can act as a catalyst in your communication. Being aware of their triggers to emotional flooding, their temperament, their cooling-off ETA, etc are the deep things you should know about your partner.
10. What are their lifestyle habits?
Here, we are not talking about the kind of house, car, or accessories they like. We’re talking about the nitty-gritty of their lifestyle, all the little things about their routine. Something as small as the frequency of showers per week could later become a topic for heated arguments. It is better to observe and openly talk about such lifestyle intricacies. If you are planning a future together, this is surely one of the things you should know about your partner before marriage.
11. What were the tipping points in their lives?
Tipping points are those junctions that define the person they are today. They could be both uplifting or life-shattering experiences. This, of course, is not something you can bring up during casual conversations, but eventually, you do need to know what molded them. This is one of the things you should know about your partner after a year at least, if not sooner. Every story has an inside story, it is imperative to know those inside stories about your partner. Understanding each other’s vulnerabilities goes a long way in building trust in a relationship.
12. What do they think about themselves?
This is again a communication hack for when you’re trying to get to know your partner. We would suggest that you don’t explicitly ask them what they think about themselves. This is more of a question that you need to ask yourself and observe. Are they humble, what is the level of self-criticization, do they boast a lot, etc. Try and see the alignment of their words with their actions in this context. You’ll get your answer.
13. What are their intimacy needs?
Let us get into bed for this one. Physical action is a vital type of intimacy in most relationships. An open and honest conversation on this topic can be intimate and fun. If taken in the right spirit, there can be no better way to spice things up. Do they like to warm up before the big game or do they like to get straight to business and then cool down later? Little things like these will not only pull you closer to your partner but also open up doors to other personal conversations.
14. What about their fantasies?
We know you’re thinking of sexual fantasies after the previous point, but we’re talking about the other kind. Fantasies are nothing but the dreams or desires we think can never be achieved. Like my friend Kevin, who has a fantasy of going on a year-long road trip with his partner. He hasn’t found a partner yet who is up for it. Knowing what or who your partner fantasizes about can give a deeper sneak-peek into what goes on in their minds. Who knows, you might help them fulfill one or two.
15. What are their hopes and expectations from you?
This topic is usually touched upon when you start dating, but you’d be surprised how much is left unsaid at the beginning. Also, the cycle of expectations and efforts keeps on changing shape with time. Out of all the things you should know about your partner, expectations and hopes from the relationship are the most obvious. So, make sure you have a heart-to-heart about this.
16. What are their thoughts about commitment and marriage?
Before you plan on taking the plunge, there are a thousand things you need to consider. One of the most evident things you should know about your partner before marriage is their thoughts about the whole darn idea. You need to know their thoughts about commitment, their thoughts on marital responsibilities, and their ideas of contribution to your marriage. These are the things you need to be crystal clear about before you tie the knot. Asking the right questions before marriage can pave the way for long and lasting marital bliss, so don’t shy away from these for the fear of irking your partner.
17. What are their medical needs?
Andrew had just started dating Hinata. They had met on a dating app, and they planned a breakfast date by the lake. They both made breakfast for each other. Knowing that Hinata was a fitness freak, he made an oatmeal-peanut butter-blueberry smoothie along with other sides. The date was going incredibly well until her face swelled up and she started having trouble breathing. They rushed to the ER, only to find out that it was a case of an allergy attack. “It was the peanut butter!” she cried as the nurse took her into the ward. “One of the first things you should know about your partner, you fool!” Muttering to himself in anger, Andrew slumped into a chair in the waiting area. All said and done, the most important thing you should know about your partner is to not take everything at its face value. The objective is to be able to tell if something smells fishy. We need to learn to read between the lines. The right questions and detached observation skills will help you see through the words and into their mind. While we talked about the importance of asking the right questions to identify the things you should know about your partner, the understanding of oneself is equally or maybe more important. In the quest of exploring your partner, we hope you explore yourself too, as our primary relationship is the one with ourselves.
