It is painful to see a partner move on quickly after a breakup. It can be devastating to witness how easily they’re able to move on. It starts to seem that your relationship meant nothing to them. You keep replaying your moments with that person, searching for the first signs of trouble. And you might even identify them. But at the end of the day, all you’re left with is the thought that “my ex moved on like I was nothing”.
My Ex Moved On Like I Was Nothing
I had a boyfriend in high school. We had a cute story – we met in class, he borrowed my notes, we started talking, and the rest, as they say, is history. He was my first everything and I loved him so much. I thought we were going to last forever. Except, there was no happily-ever-after. We went to different colleges in different cities and the long-distance relationship took a toll on us. We tried to make it work. But we ended up breaking up during the holidays. A week after the breakup, he had an Instagram post dedicated to “the love of my life” a.k.a. some girl I’d never seen before. My first reaction was shock. “How has he moved on like I was nothing? It has barely been a week. Is something wrong with me?” It feels unfair and it aches to see our ex-partners happy with someone else while we’re still reeling from the breakup. It hurts to think that they don’t miss you at all. You might wonder how your ex has so little regard for what the two of you had together, not to mention how much you cared about them. However, if your ex moves on quickly, understanding what led to the breakup can help you prevent it with another partner in the future.
Why Did My Ex Move On Immediately?
While there can rarely be an instance where you mean nothing to your ex, there are plenty of reasons that your ex moved on like you were nothing. Here is a list of potential scenarios:
1. They were not ready to be in a relationship
If your ex moves on quickly, they weren’t ready to be in a serious, committed relationship. At the time, they may have convinced themselves that they do want to be in a relationship with you. However, their heart wasn’t in it. This happens especially if you two were at different stages in your lives or looking for different things from a relationship. While this can be frustrating and hurtful, it can also be a blessing in disguise. You both probably dodged a potentially painful and difficult situation. So while you may think, “How has my ex moved on like I was nothing?”, chances are it’s not you, it’s them!
2. You two weren’t a good match
The fact that you and your ex weren’t a good match may have helped them get over the breakup. If your ex moves on quickly, they probably didn’t want to drag on a relationship that wasn’t going to work anyway. If your ex was looking for a long-term relationship and you weren’t, or vice versa, they might have ended things because they knew that you weren’t going to be happy together. Ian, a reader who is now happily married, shares, “When my previous partner and I broke up, it shattered me. I kept thinking, “How could my ex fall in love with someone else so quickly? How has she moved on like I was nothing?” It took me a lot of time to realize that we were looking for different things. She wanted to avoid wasting more time, and honestly, that was a blessing in disguise. It helped me find Carrie!”
3. There were unresolved issues in your relationship
If there were unresolved issues in your relationship or if you two were constantly fighting, your ex might have ended things quickly because they didn’t want to deal with it anymore. Your ex was probably done being in a mutually unhealthy relationship, figured your relationship was beyond repair, and couldn’t wait to move on. Or your ex may have been bad at conflict resolution. So even if there were minor problems in your relationship, they may have been looking for an easy way out, thereby making you think along the lines of “my ex moved on like I was nothing”.
4. Your ex had already found someone they want to be with
“My ex rebounded really fast. He had a partner a month after our 4-year-long relationship was over,” Pete, a reader from Newark, shared with us. If your ex moved on quickly, they might not have wanted you to know they found someone else. In situations like these, it can be really hard to not feel empty after the breakup and think along the lines of “How could my ex fall in love with someone else so quickly? How has my ex moved on immediately and is happy? How has my ex moved on like I was nothing?” A few reasons for an ex quickly moving on to someone else are:
Their partner fulfilled certain needs that weren’t being met in their relationship with youThey simply get along with their new partner a lot more and they may have more similarities in values and goals as wellThey want to distract themselves from the pain of the breakup
5. They weren’t happy and were looking for an excuse to end things
Let’s face it: Some relationships die long before the breakup. If your ex was unhappy in the relationship and was looking for an excuse to end things, then it was easier for them to move on as well. You may be confused and hurt, but remember that your ex was unhappy in the relationship too. Ending things may not have been easy for them, but it may have been their only choice and the best thing for both of you. You may even see that your ex rebounded really fast in such situations. It makes you think, “My ex moved on like I was nothing” but maybe they just had a longer period to move on from you than you did them.
What To Do If Your Ex Moves On Quickly
Getting back into the dating game after ending a long-term relationship isn’t easy for anyone. On one hand, you want to move on and try falling in love with a new person with hopes that it might last. On the other hand, you lowkey channel Joseph Gordon-Levitt from 500 Days of Summer. “There’s no such thing as love, it’s fantasy” feels too relatable. It’s hard to grasp how an ex can jump straight into another relationship. “My ex moved on like I was nothing” becomes a staple thought. But what matters here is you, not them. You have to grieve and move on the way you deem fit, and allow them to do the same. Avoid obsessing over what-ifs, since in many cases, we will never know for sure. However, that is easier said than done. Hence, we are bringing to you ways to cope with this situation and speed up the process of healing.
1. Give yourself time to feel your emotions
I went through my breakup during college when everyone was living their lives, partying like there was no tomorrow, and experiencing the wonder that is college to the fullest. All these feelings of heartbreak were new to me and instead of dealing with them like a proper adult, I did the next best thing. Or worse, depending on your viewpoint. I started distracting myself. I did every risqué thing I could think of. I didn’t let myself feel the hurt and grief over the breakup. However, the thing about not allowing yourself to react to the requisite feelings of a breakup is that they manifest later when you try to get into other relationships. You need to feel the grief and pain of the loss because it was an important part of your life. Learn from your experience, and next time it won’t be so bad.
2. Find your own closure
Gaining closure is one of the trickiest parts of trying to get over someone. Coming to terms with the fact that your ex moved on immediately and is happy isn’t as easy. You’re left with countless unanswered questions about the relationship. You start to question whether what you had was real, whether you were worth it, and you probably wouldn’t get the answers that you wanted. However, closure is subjective and at the end of the day, it is for you and not for anyone else. It is to help you let go and move on, sometimes even without closure from your ex. Instead of finding the ‘why’ in the breakup, try to see what you can take away from it. Focus on the happier times even when it seems too hard and accept that it was an essential experience for you to evolve into a better person. And then, let it go.
3. Establish mental boundaries with yourself
Serena Van Der Woodsen on Gossip Girl said it best – “The hardest thing is watching someone you love, love someone else.” “My ex moved on immediately after our breakup,” Michael, a reader, teared up while recounting the days after his breakup. “I kept thinking “How could my ex fall in love with someone else so quickly? She moved on like I was nothing, like I was never a part of her life.” I kept stalking her on social media and that hurt me because my ex moved on immediately and I was left here broken.” His story tugs at our heartstrings but is also a testimony to what not to do after a breakup. Instead of stalking your ex, practice establishing boundaries. Remind yourself that stalking is fruitless and will bring you more pain. Be strict with the rules you set for yourself because they help you move on from heartbreak.
4. Spend quality time with your friends and family
It’s no secret that sometimes you end up neglecting your friends and family when you’re in a relationship. Your significant other becomes the center of your universe and everyone else takes a backseat. This is why, if you ever end up breaking up with your SO, it gets a little hard to connect back with the people in your life. However, talking to your friends and family about how you’re feeling helps a lot. Lean on them for support. Having people who will support you during difficult times is a positive energy that benefits you immensely.
5. Have no contact
Drunk dialing your ex seems like a good idea when you’re having a crying session with your trusty bottle of wine but the aftermath is definitely not worth it. It is critical to maintain the no-contact rule, and doing so requires self-discipline. This includes refraining from monitoring them on social media, removing their phone number if necessary, and refraining from driving by their house to see what they’re up to. “My ex and I had a very bad falling-out,” said my friend when I asked him how he coped with his breakup. “He moved on like I was nothing to him. But instead of struggling, I just blocked him everywhere. I deleted his number and his chats, I even asked our mutual friends to not talk to me about him. It allowed the mystery to die and I did so much better after that.”
6. Stay single for a while
If you’re devastated and hurt, that means you should remain single for the time being. Don’t go after a rebound. It might seem like the best revenge if your ex moves on quickly but all that does is bring on more trauma from the unhealed parts of your heart. Instead, wait till you’re well; your future partner deserves it. Don’t bring baggage with you from one relationship to the next. Allow yourself some time to recover and practice self-love. When you learn to love yourself, you’ll find that you didn’t really need anyone’s validation of your worth.
7. Focus on experiencing new things
“My ex moved on immediately like I was nothing right after our divorce,” said Raine, a 29-year-old single mother. “It took me a while to get over it, especially with a one-year-old to raise and a career to handle. The one thing that changed my life was yoga. I have new friends too who I genuinely like hanging out with. They helped me endlessly after my divorce and brought me out of the divorce funk.” Raine’s story is inspiring on so many levels. Finding different things to distract yourself with will keep you motivated, energetic, and active. You could find a whole community of people with whom you can bond. And who knows, maybe you’ll find the love of your life in one of these activities! After your ex moves on quickly, you could keep questioning, “How could my ex move on like I was nothing?” However, ending a relationship quickly may be a sign that your relationship simply wasn’t meant to be. It is important to remember that your ex is going through their own process of grieving the end of the relationship. While it may feel terrible, it is important to give them, and yourself, time and space to heal. Moving on quickly may not be a sign that your ex doesn’t care about you or that they don’t miss you. They may have simply been looking for an easy way out and they did it in the best way they could think of. Now it’s your turn to do the best for yourself!
