Research in the Archives of Sexual Behavior suggests that on average, millennials have 8 partners before they settle down. This might not be true for every person reading this but the odds of someone finding ‘the one’ in their first relationship are pretty low. Not everyone gets to marry their high-school sweetheart and you know it. We’re saying this because it’s important for you to realize that you’re not the only one asking yourself over and over again the same question: Is she the one? Since dating requires you to be equipped with certain emotional skills, it can take a few attempts to figure out what sticks for you.
Is She The One? 23 Clear Signs She Is!
Choosing the right partner is one of the most important personal decisions we make in our lives. To make things even more complicated, choosing the wrong (read: incompatible) partner can negatively influence other areas of your life. According to a study, unhappy marriages account for lower levels of life satisfaction and overall well-being, and increased distress. We’ve all been through the different stages of dating and the eventual heartbreaks. Bad relationships sometimes leave a deep wound, making an individual lose faith in true love. Perhaps, that’s the difference between dating and courting a woman; the latter is more intentional. Whether you’re in a courtship or a relationship, we’re here to help you recognize the signs that she is the one for you.
1. She puts in equal effort
The truth is, everyone has a different version of what equal effort in a relationship looks like. However, there are a few fundamentals that need to be taken into account by you when you’re looking for signs she is the one to marry. In a previous article, psychologist Dr. Aman Bhonsle explained: “In a relationship, effort entails paying attention to your partner’s needs. Being present in the connection and making an effort to maintain it are key. Making an effort in a relationship extends far beyond material well-being.” So to know whether she is the one for you, reflect on instances where your effort was reciprocated.
2. She brings out the best in you
When you’re dating someone new, it’s easy to become fixated on your list of expectations. But perhaps what you should be looking for isn’t a checklist of qualities, but rather the impact a relationship has on you. Let me explain, sometimes a partner brings out the worst in you (ring a bell?), that’s problematic. But when a partner shows you a new part of yourself, you’ve discovered something special that is worth holding onto. If you’ve witnessed growth in your personal life and your partner has contributed to it, these are early signs she is the one for you.
3. She shows up for you during your lows
Wondering how to know if she’s the one? Look for the fundamentals of support in your relationship, because being a supportive partner is one of them. To find a supportive partner who has your back when you’re going through a rough patch in your life is the best thing in the world. Previously on Bonobology, counseling therapist Deepak Kashyap explained: “When it comes to helping your partner through a difficult time, it’s important to recognize the severity of the situation they’re dealing with.” The very act of your partner recognizing that you’re upset shows that she has empathy and deeply cares about your well-being.
4. She respects your wishes
We’ve all heard about selfless love and acts of compassion. True love is often a manifestation of loving your partner selflessly. So the next time she agrees to watch your favorite movie with you, know that she truly loves you. What most people don’t talk about is how selfless love only works in relationships where both the partners are committed to putting the other first. Trouble brews when only one of the partners is fully invested, making the relationship toxic. If she respects your wishes just as you respect hers, count yourself a lucky person because these are early signs she is the one who’ll love you wholly.
5. She actively listens to what you have to say
A reader from New Jersey told us, “I love my husband, and we still have fun together and a good marriage. But after some time I just couldn’t listen to anything he had to say. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that being present in the marriage was not just his job.” Listening is more than just hearing what a person is saying. Does your partner actively listen to you without unnecessary interruptions, while still participating in the conversation and showing genuine interest? If the answer to that is a yes, then she is the one who will give you the undivided attention you deserve.
6. She makes you feel alive
The yin and yang energy acts differently within each one of us. This is where it gets interesting. If you both complement each other in terms of masculinity and femininity (not to be confused with the gender), then she’s a keeper. Feminine energy is all about living life to the fullest – it’s fluid, creative, and giving. Masculine energy is about clarity, power, ambition, and being protective. We want you to go back in time and reflect on how you felt after spending time with your love. Chances are you’ll find that you’ve forgotten all your worries, your body is less tense, and you feel recharged. You can credit this to the combination of her feminine/masculine energy that complements yours – these are spiritual signs she’s the one.
7. She pushes you to do better in your life
A mature relationship is one where a couple focuses on winning together as a team. When you’re committed to a long-term relationship, each partner’s individual success plays a crucial role in the direction of the relationship. It’s a good idea to reflect on what you’re bringing to the table from time to time. This was put very wisely by psychologist Devaleen Ghosh when she said, “In order for a relationship to last long, it’s important that you have a partner who encourages you to do better and grow as an individual.” This is how you know she is the one who’ll be there for you every step of the journey.
8. She includes you in her future plans
Planning a future together is the simplest way to take responsibilities in a relationship. Since you’re here questioning yourself “Is she the one?”, it’s safe to assume that you want to build your life with this woman. When the woman you’re dating includes you in her future plans, albeit hypothetically, she’s serious about you. This is one of the biggest signs she is the one to marry. In fact, the woman you’re dating probably intends to marry you too. Your next move should be to initiate the conversation where this becomes more intentional in your relationship.
9. How to know if she’s the one? She doesn’t fixate on your shortcomings
Every relationship sees its rainy days (even storms) but only those who move past the rough patch of the relationship are the ones who survive in the long run. Every relationship has conflicts, because we’re all so different from each other. Additionally, no human being is perfect in the way we conduct our lives and occasionally we fall short of being our best selves. When your partner lets things go and focuses on conflict resolution instead of fixating on your shortcomings, it’s safe to say you can build a life with this one. However, if a partner constantly belittles you and hurtfully points out your flaws time and again, we’re sorry but it’s a toxic relationship and you should find a way out of it.
10. You feel safe being vulnerable with her
Yes, being vulnerable opens up the possibility of being hurt but not fostering vulnerability can be devastating for a relationship in the long run. We all have emotional baggage we carry from previous relationships. While it’s up to us to work on it, it helps a lot when your partner holds space for you. Although being vulnerable with your partner can generate fear and uncertainty, a study suggests it can also strengthen your intimacy and deepen your relationship connection. If you’re vulnerable with a woman, it means you feel safe opening up to her and being your authentic self with her. Don’t let her go because she’s the one for you.
11. You understand each other’s need for reassurance or withdrawal
If you’re a guy, this will interest you. Despite the prevailing stereotypes, studies have shown that men are just as capable as women in expressing their emotions. However, the society we live in doesn’t leave much space for men to express themselves. According to research, men emotionally withdraw to figure out what’s going on within themselves and to find an appropriate response to the situation. Every couple has their own unique way of dealing with this, and we trust that you do too. You can be sure that she is the one when the two of you have found a way to navigate this problem. The first step is by communicating your emotional needs with each other.
12. You have all the qualities of a healthy relationship
There are some essentials that help differentiate a healthy connection from an unhealthy one. Look for them in your relationship and you’ll know for yourself if she is the one for you. As long as your relationship is based on mutual trust, transparent communication, mutual respect along with reciprocation and appreciation, you have our approval (and blessings). Speaking of appreciation, a good way to do that is by going down on her. And that brings us to the next point.
13. You’ve become more goal-oriented after you’ve met her
Still wondering how to know if she’s the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? Here’s a quick way to find out. This is a short exercise, sit with yourself for a bit and do a quick life review in your mind. The key is to compare your life before meeting your girlfriend to after meeting her. The truth is, if you’ve found the one, you’ll be willing to push with every fiber of your being to improve your life, in turn improving the relationship. True love can empower you immensely and drive you to get your act together. These are some subtle signs she is the one for you which are easy to miss.
14. It’s more than just sex
When the intimacy in your relationship goes beyond sex, you can be assured that you’ve found the one you were in search for. Do not confuse this for a sexless relationship, because the sex is there and it’s intense. In relationships where the sex is not important to the couple, whether out of choice, health issues, or maybe because you’re asexual, the intimacy is deep and beautiful.
15. You don’t have to worry about separation
Feeling secure in your relationship is important, because a lack of emotional security can be detrimental for your well-being. If someone’s constantly worried about their partner walking out on them at every disagreement, it can leave them feeling anxious all the time. If your partner has made it clear that come what may, they believe in resolving the issue over dissolving the relationship, then you know that she’s the one. When your partner loves you unconditionally, they’ll refrain from bringing up separation, no matter how enraged they’re feeling. It goes without saying that the same has to be true for you to maintain a balance in the relationship.
16. You feel it in your gut she is the one
We’re halfway through this article and if you’ve noticed, we’re slowly turning the question back to you. This latter half of the article will be less about what your partner does for you, and more about how you feel for her. So ask yourself if you really feel she is the right partner for you. If your gut gives you a YES! (and some butterflies) then my dear friend, you’ve already met your soulmate. This is the universe nodding in a big yes to your question: Is she the one for me?
17. You accept her flaws but also see the untapped potential
You know she’s the one for you when her flaws don’t bother you. We all have strengths and weaknesses. None of us are perfect. Accepting your partner for who they are will minimize a lot of friction in the relationship. Visualize a venn diagram of your relationship compatibility, draw it on a paper if you wish, and then assess for yourself whether your personality traits are compatible and the flaws tolerable or not. A relationship where you’re at peace with their flaws but willing to guide them to be a better version of themselves is what we’re going for.
18. You want her to be a part of everything in your life
It’s really that simple, isn’t it? You love her and you want her to be with you every step of the way. The intention of you wanting her to be a part of even the little things is sweet, but don’t overwhelm her either. Experiencing new things and doing things with your partner can create quite a bond between two people. There are just so many fun things to do as a couple that you’d never run out of options. If you have a list of things you want to do with her, places to visit or personal rituals that are special between you two, you’ve found the one.
19. Your mom loves her
When you’re in a committed relationship, the one thing that haunts you is your family’s reaction when you tell them about the woman you love. Moms have a radar (of sorts) where they can tell well in advance when someone has ill intentions toward you. Surely you know about the unwritten rule that if you’re important to a girl, her mother knows about you. Same is true for you too and if your mom is always talking about how great your girlfriend is, you have her approval. When your mother’s happy about your choice, do you still need more signs that she’s the one?
20. You swore you’d never date again but she seemed worth another shot
Aha! Throwback to the phone call you made to your buddy where you swore off relationships for the rest of your life. A few months later you’re here googling: How to know if she’s the one? To tell you the truth, this happens to a lot of people. Just when you’ve given up on dating and the idea of finding love, there is just this one person who comes into your life and makes it seem like it’s worth the effort once again. Modern day spirituality considers this as a sign that you’ve met your twin flame.
21. You daydream your life with her
You’ll be surprised to know that research suggests daydreaming about your partner and your life together can improve your mental health and motivate you to do better. Day dreams are nothing but a reflection of the things that are dear to us. Have you had instances where you’re out occupied with work but a fleeting thought about your love turns into a 10-minute day dream? If you’ve found yourself daydreaming about doing cute things with your girlfriend at home, spoiling her with kisses, taking her out on dates, then you’re head over heels for her.
22. Her goals and values align with yours
We’re certain that you have set goals for yourself, envisioned your life to be the way it suits you, and have plans in place for your career. If your partner shares the same goals and ambition for the future, don’t be surprised. To know if she is the one or not, discuss the future together. Moreover, you’re much more likely to stay the course if your goals align. If she is the one you’re meant to be with, you’ll notice that you’re on the same page even when it comes to personal values and ethics. If this isn’t a match made in heaven, we’re not sure what is.
23. Spiritual signs she is the one – you’ve crossed paths before
You and your partner may have crossed paths before, but never met until the time was right. And when you finally meet, you were surprised at how close you were to meeting them before but never did. This is typically true for a twin flame connection where you cross paths in life but don’t get together until you’re fully equipped to deal with such an intense connection in your life. We hope that you found these signs useful and could resonate to more than one of them. The fact of the matter is that you’ll find that quite a few of these are true if you’ve been in a long-term relationship. She’s the one for you, now it’s your time to be the one for her.
